


The Last Time (I’ll Say Goodbye)

by NOIRequin



Series: I've been a martyr for love [1]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Needs a Hug, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Angst and Feels, Ending Relationship, F/M, Guardian Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Hurt Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Hurt Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Hurt No Comfort, Last Kiss, Marinette Dupain-Cheng Knows, Marinette Dupain-Cheng Needs a Hug, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug Deserves Better, Post-Hawk Moth Defeat, Songfic, Unhappy Ending, but no one dies physically, implied adrigami, tw: can be concidered as suicidal thoughts from a certain point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:01:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26817049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NOIRequin/pseuds/NOIRequin
Summary: Ladybug learns about Chat’s identity in the middle of the final battle. She’s madly in love with him, but it’s too late to confess. She can’t stand to see him happy without her, so she resorts to desperate measures.“...before we go our separate ways, could I have one last hug?”
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Kagami Tsurugi, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Tikki
Series: I've been a martyr for love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1955914
Comments: 43
Kudos: 127
Collections: Miraculous: Spin The Record Challenge, October 2020 - Dark





	The Last Time (I’ll Say Goodbye)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [leonardo1123581321](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leonardo1123581321/gifts).



> I've had this idea, taken partially from personal experience, for a while but was hesitant.  
> Then October came, **Miraculous Fanworks Discord Server** announced the month of dark and angsty fics, and Leo came up with dialogue prompts that hit too close to home. So I just had to combine these two ideas and pour everything on paper.
> 
> Inspired by **Depeche Mode's** song [No More (This Is The Last Time)](https://bit.ly/2SnFxH9). Let's consider this as the start of my second fics set for my Spin The Record Challenge, based on my best band's songs.
> 
> Dedicated to all those people who ever had to walk away from the significant other for the sake of their sanity and/or the lover's happiness. Not every fairytale ends happily irl, but you'll find your happiness someday. Even without such desperate measures as Marinette.
> 
> Thanks again to Leo for this creative puch and to [Khanofallorcs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khanofallorcs/pseuds/Khanofallorcs) for beta-reading all those memories, all that pain. 💖
> 
> Get your tissues ready, dear readers. The angst train is departing in a second.

> _**One more ride, I can't explain** _

Ladybug sat on the rooftop with her legs dangling from the edge. She bit her lip, trying to keep her emotions at bay; her fingers were anxiously tapping on her knees. Her unfocused stare was directed at the Eiffel Tower, sparkling brightly in the distance. 

Nights in Paris had been quiet for two months now since Hawkmoth’s defeat. So the heroes could finally leave Paris be without their constant watching and hide somewhere to lick their wounds. And there were a lot of them. Revealed identities had crushed all the hopes that she had nursed for the last several years.

Ladybug had spent a big chunk of this time dealing with police, lawyers, and judges, answering the press’ and bystanders’ questions. But she also had had so many doubts and questions. So, immediately after the draining court process where Gabriel had been sentenced to life imprisonment, Marinette had taken some time to process all the new information, wallow in misery, grief, and anger. Through all these feelings, she had come to the seemingly right decision. And now she was waiting for Chat Noir at their usual meeting spot to tell him that things couldn’t go on like this anymore. 

She closed her eyes, trying to concentrate on everything that she planned to tell him. Memories overwhelmed her immediately, sending painful impulses through the numbness in her chest.

> _**All hesitation, we stop and start again** _
> 
> _**Repeat the process, we repeat the lie** _
> 
> _**Time and time again, by and by** _

Discovering that Hawkmoth was Gabriel Agreste had been shocking. But figuring out that Chat Noir was Adrien Agreste from his reactions mid-battle had been world-shattering.

It meant that she had zero chances of a happy future with any of them. And she couldn’t stand that thought.

She had been berating herself for the biggest mistakes in her life. For her blind crush on Adrien. For pushing Chat away when he had shown her nothing but love and kindness. For falling in love with him when it had been too late.

For years, they had danced dangerously close around each other. Chat had always been eager to shorten the distance between them. But it would mean that they had to tear down the wall between them and reveal all the secrets. Ladybug, scared of memories about the ruined world and Fu’s wiped mind, hadn’t dared to cross the blurred line between their partnership and something more. So she kept him at arm’s length, deep down longing for more.

The unresolved tension had been high between them, at first. Longing glances, electrifying touches, and slight blush under the mask. Long rooftop cuddles during chilly nights after patrols. And even a couple of desperate kisses after particularly tough battles to reassure each other that they were alive, that they’d won again, and everything would be alright. Or not? She didn’t know anymore. 

Over time, Chat had given up and stopped pursuing her. And now she understood why - because Adrien had decided to seek reciprocity elsewhere. He had given in to Kagami whose perseverance had finally paid off. They had been dating for a year already, and he seemed content, unlike Ladybug. 

As ill-luck would have it, she had managed to move on from Adrien and fall in love with Chat right before he told her that he had made things official with his close friend. 

Now she was forced to lie not only about her identity and reasons for ditching civilian obligations but about her feelings that consumed her entire being, too.

She had to pretend that everything was okay, that nothing was going on, that she was just tired and stressed. Lie to herself and to her closest friends that there was no jealousy, no hurt, that she was a mature person who could accept defeat, wish the pair only happiness, and continue living happily by herself. Constantly shove those thoughts, memories, feelings to the back of her mind, pretending that she was happy and had nothing troubling her. And then slip back into despair and self-hatred. A cycle repeated over and over again. 

> _**This is the last time** _
> 
> _**I say goodbye** _
> 
> _**The last time** _
> 
> _**Then we won't have to lie** _

She had hardly slept in the nights after the final battle, sitting at her desk, writing and drawing everything out of her head. The kwamis had been mostly in the box that she hid away from her sight. 

She had found a solution very quickly but was very hesitant to go that far. Tikki had been devastated at first when she had heard about her chosen’s idea. But the little being who was the constant witness of Marinette’s emotional turmoil understood her motives perfectly, despite wishing that everything would turn out differently. 

“It’s the only way, Tikki,” she had told her kwami once. “I need to stop obsessing over him if there’s no way for us to live together happily ever after. I’m not going to destroy their relationship under any circumstances for my own selfish reasons. But I won’t heal, watching them being sickeningly sweet and happy together, either.” She had clenched her fists; her gaze became steely cold. “I must stop! Otherwise, it will drag on forever.” 

Tikki had just watched her silently with a frown. Marinette had gotten up and started pacing. “No more lies! No more excuses! Freedom! A happy new life! Normal life!” she emphasized, throwing her hands in the air.

“But at what cost…” Tikki had mumbled quietly, taking a cookie to hide the pained grimace behind chewing.

Together, they had developed a plan to put in place today. And the first step - to ask Chat Noir for a meeting - was taken. 

> **_You go your way, I'll go mine_ **
> 
> **_We walked this line together for the longest time_ **
> 
> **_We climbed the mountain in so many ways_ **
> 
> **_Reached the top and slowly fade away_ **

Ladybug flinched when she heard a distinctive thump of boots behind her. _‘Here we go, Marinette. Stay strong, resist temptation. End it now,’_ she chanted like a mantra internally. She turned around, got up, and approached Chat Noir.

“Ladybug? What’s up?” he asked, frowning. “It’s been a while.”

She just stared at him, taking in his features. He was always larger than life; now he seemed crushed under the weight of grief. Even the colors of his hair and scleras were duller than usual, but still mesmerizing. 

Ladybug was completely under his spell and needed to snap out of it and get away as soon as possible. So better to jump start.

“I know who you are, Chat Noir,” she blurted out. He gasped; his eyes widened comically. She continued, looking at her feet. 

“I found out a while ago… I know I should’ve told you but I couldn’t compromise your identity.” She squeezed her eyes shut, bracing herself for the confession. “It turns out that you, Adrien Agreste, were the boy I was in love with when we had started our partnership. And at the same time, you, Chat Noir, were the next boy that I fell in love with, when I moved on from the first one.” 

Chat’s mouth that had opened earlier in surprise snapped shut with an audible click. Ladybug wasn’t able to look at him, so she turned back and started pacing. 

“It’s funny, right? I was rejecting you for you!” She let out a dry, bitter laugh. “And now it’s too late. You already have a girlfriend. So, who has bad luck here, huh?”

“Wait, Ladybug…” Chat tried to interject.

“I don’t want to come between you!” she exclaimed. “You two are happy together. And I’m happy for you. Yes, I am!” 

Chat came closer and put a hand on her shoulder. Ladybug covered her face with her hands to hide the tears, threatening to spill from her eyes.

Chat was silent for a minute, then started to talk. “First and foremost, you are my dearest friend, Ladybug-”

“NO!” she screamed. He flinched back, obviously hurt. Ladybug needed all her strength to not give up and crush him in a bear hug. 

“No. We can’t be friends anymore,” she said, trying to sound calmer. “We should go our separate ways. It’ll be better.” 

Chat said nothing, only watching her intently. His arms were crossed on his chest; his jaw clenched; lips pressed in a thin line. 

Ladybug sighed. “Listen, Chat. What’s the point of being friends now? True, we had so much together, and our relationships were, uh,” she winced, “complex. And we reached the top of our game defeating H… you know. But now Paris doesn’t need superheroes. Our journey as partners is over. We should retire and live our normal lives happily.” She spat the last words, scowling.

“My Lady, please, don’t go!” Chat pleaded; his piercing green eyes filled with despair. “You can’t just leave like that!” 

“I have to, Chat Noir. Because...I can’t even look at you. Just being near you hurts. I love you and knowing we won’t...” 

”It doesn’t have to be this way!” he screamed, trying to interrupt her rambling.

”It is this way!!!” she screamed back. They stared at each other, shocked. Ladybug recovered first; she started to wipe tears from her red cheeks. “I shouldn’t have said anything because I don’t want to be responsible for ruining your relationship with your girlfriend. I can’t do anything right. I’m such a disaster.”

She came to stand in front of him and looked into his eyes. “After today, you won’t see Ladybug anymore. I hope you two have a blissful life together.”

”Ladybug, please. I can give you all the time that you want. I can even-” Chat reached out to her, taking her hand in his. “We can fix everything, I promise.” 

His big and sad eyes, his pleading tone crushed her heart once again. She just couldn’t restrain herself anymore. A forbidden request slipped off her tongue. 

“...before we go our separate ways, could I have one last hug?”

Ladybug immediately found herself hugged tightly by her beloved partner. She let herself relax for a moment and bask in the warmth and safety of his embrace for the last time, to engrave those feelings in her memory. 

_‘Marinette, quit stalling and move. Three, two, one.’_

She pulled out of his arms with some effort. _‘Time to say goodbye for real.’_ She gently cupped Chat Noir’s face and placed a featherlight kiss on his cheek “I love you, Adrien Agreste.” She whispered close to his ear. “Please...for my sake, don’t follow me. And for your sake, forget about me.”

She stepped closer to the edge of the roof and got her yo-yo ready. Chat just stared at her, unable to move. “Goodbye,” she murmured and swung away.

> _**The last time** _
> 
> _**Call it what you want** _
> 
> _**You don't mean a thing to me no more** _

Several minutes later, Ladybug jumped down from the building, landing on her feet. She glanced around and cautiously approached one of the cars parked by the curb. She opened the car’s door carefully and slid in the backseat, sighing in relief.

“You hid well; I’ve spent some time looking for you,” she remarked, rubbing her stiff shoulders and neck. Two women turned to her from the driver and passenger seats.

“We’ve only followed your instructions, Master,” replied the driver, smoothing her short dark hair and watching Ladybug with piercing blue eyes.

“Yeah,” the superheroine replied, opening her yo-yo, fishing out the Miracle Box from there, and laying it on the seat next to her. “Let’s get over it. Do you remember what you should do after I come back to my senses?”

“We do,” replied the passenger, fiddling with the long blonde strands that framed her face. “I just hope that you won't freak out, opening your eyes in a car with two strangers.”

“I mean, I can,” Ladybug laughed awkwardly. “But my home is visible from there, so you can point it out to me first thing.” 

“Okay,” the driver nodded. “But are you really sure that you really want it?”

> _**Our crimes will pass us by** _
> 
> _**Crimes, they always fade and die** _

“I do, okay!” Ladybug exclaimed; her voice trembling. “I-I think that after all of it I de-deserved to be just a normal girl with a normal life.” She squeezed her eyes shut, seemingly struggling. “I-I just can’t keep up this ch-charade.” A strangled sob escaped her lips. “Haw-Hawkmoth was defeated, b-but I-I’m the one who lost… But enough stalling.” Ladybug hastily wiped her cheeks. “Tikki, spots off!”

The magical attire dissolved, and the red kwami appeared. Her big blue eyes were filled with tears. “Marinette! I’m so sorry...” she mumbled pitifully. “I wish you all the luck that I can bring in this world. You were one of the best for me. Goodbye!”

Marinette scratched her head gently, trying so hard not to shed more tears. “Goodbye, my friend. Tikki, I renounce you!” The kwami disappeared in a flash of red light. The former Ladybug took off her earrings and put them into the Miracle Box. 

She closed the small lid on a ladybug section, put a hand on the box, took a deep breath, and said: “I, Marinette Dupain-Cheng, hereby relinquish the Miracle Box and name Julie Mercier the new Guardian of Miraculouses!”

The box got out from under her hand and started spinning. The nauseating feeling grew in Marinette’s chest. Waves of memories clashed violently in her head, tearing her mind apart. One by one at a crazy speed, they flashed before her eyes, having a golden-haired boy in or out of a leather suit as a constant presence. 

Then everything went black.

> _**All those memories, all our pain** _
> 
> _**Slowly disappear like a falling rain** _

Marinette didn’t know how she ended up in an unfamiliar car. Her head hurt; memories were fuzzy. She looked up from her clenched fists and saw two women staring at her with concerned expressions.

“Who are you?” she managed to ask in a raspy voice. “Where am I?”

“We’re friends,” the driver answered. “And there,” she gestured in the direction of the bakery that was barely visible through the windscreen, “is your home. We’re gonna walk you there, okay?”

Marinette just nodded dumbly. She didn’t understand what had happened and why she felt like she was missing something. But she remembered the warmth of her home and decided that it was the best place to gather her bearings.

She reached out to the car door to open it. “Let’s go.” The driver and the passenger glanced at each other with solemn expressions and exited the car, following her.

> _**The last time** _
> 
> _**(All those memories, all our pain)** _

Adrien stood by the window, staring at the distance. He didn’t know what to think, how to change Ladybug’s mind. Her words replayed in his mind.

“I can’t even look at you. Just being near you hurts. I love you and knowing we won’t...”

Why?

How?

“HOW?!” he screamed, punching the window frame. “WHY?!” He sank down on the floor, clutching his head. He sat like that for several minutes, drowning in the waves of despair. The buzzing of the phone in his pocket brought him back to reality. 

“Who the hell is calling that late?” he grumbled, reaching for his phone. Nino’s face was shown on the screen.

“Dude, it’s like 1 AM. What’s up?” Adrien said in an even tone, picking up the call.

“Dude!” a screech from the phone made him wince. “Get up from your freaking bed and come over to Dupain-Chengs! Marinette lost her memory!”

Adrien’s breath hitched. “Wh-what did you just say? Memory?” he asked, feeling numbness spread throughout his body. “H-how?”

Alya’s voice sounded through the speaker. “Mama Cheng just called me, choking on tears. Two girls brought her home but didn’t elaborate on details of the accident. Apparently, she remembers Tom and Sabine, but…” Alya started sobbing, “not much from the last seven years.”

The phone dropped from Adrien’s hand. His chest squeezed painfully; something cracked in his mind. Marinette was distant and gloomy since the day Ladybug and Chat Noir put Hawkmoth - his father - into the police car. He had been seeking as much warmth from his friends as possible during those difficult post-defeat weeks when all the world had judged him by his father’s sins. But she always stood aside, not giving him more than a pained lopsided smile.

“After today, you won’t see Ladybug anymore,” his partner’s words echoed in his head. _‘Could it be?’_

He turned to Plagg with widened eyes, but the words stuck in his throat under the kwami’s hard stare. Adrien closed his mouth and blinked. “Wh-what?” he asked after several long seconds.

Plagg shook his head and turned back to his cheese. Adrien noticed that his eyes were unusually glistening. _‘Is he about to cry?’_

“Why don’t you go and see what happened with your _friend?_ ” the kwami mumbled.

“Are you willing to get me-” Adrien asked, preparing to transform.

“Not today,” Plagg interrupted him, zooming into the shirt’s pocket. “Let me grieve in peace without carrying your ass around.”

“Grieve?” Suspicions grew like an avalanche, threatening to break the fragile status quo.

“Whatever. Move, kid.”

> _**Call it what you want** _
> 
> _**You don't mean a thing to me no more** _

Alya and Nino were already at the Dupain-Chengs when Adrien arrived. He entered the living room where disheveled Marinette’s parents sat on the couch, while Alya and Nino kneeled on the floor in front of the armchair. Marinette sat there, scrolling through Alya’s phone. She bit her lip; her brows furrowed, indicating the maximum level of concentration. 

When hosts and visitors spotted him, the room became silent. Adrien approached the armchair cautiously. Alya and Nino scooted away, giving him space. He kneeled in front of Marinette and gently placed his hand on hers that rested on her knee.

“Hi, Marinette,” he said quietly, searching for her gaze. She lifted her eyes from the phone and focused at him, trying to find something familiar in his features and obviously failing. 

“I’m sorry, who are you?”

The magical glamour that had been preserving his mind from recognition, shattered into a thousand pieces after they made eye contact. Ladybug was sitting in front of him, looking at him with her beautiful eyes, clouded by ignorance and lingering pain that hadn’t had a chance to go away completely. And the memory loss meant that she relinquished her Miraculous and entire Miracle Box.

She sacrificed everything to get away from him. To let him restore his life and be happy. But how could he do that from now on, knowing that he was the cause of her loss? That it was his fault that he lost her and now would have constant painful reminders about the past and the future that they didn’t have anymore?

Sadness, anger, frustration were rising in his chest, blinding him. Adrien dropped his head on Marinette’s lap, mumbling how sorry he was. 

“It’s Adrien,” he heard Alya’s voice. Right. She didn’t remember anything about him. Even his name. 

He composed himself, hiding his emotions masterfully behind the model smile, looked up, and said “I’m Adrien. Just a friend.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I know that I'm cruel. You can scream in the section below but comments with hate and accusations will be deleted. 
> 
> You can click through linked series to find more songfics or find me on [Tumblr](https://noirequin.tumblr.com)  
> where I'll be sharing my works and talk about my sources of inspiration.  
> If you’re writing/reading fanfiction or drawing MLB fanart and looking for friendly and supportive community, you can [join us today](https://discord.gg/mlfanworks) on **Miraculous Fanworks Discord server**!


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